Reply to I'm over it

Name:Kris Marie Marrero
Age:Sixteen
Birthday: November 6th
Location: Ashland Nebraska
Sign: Scorpio

INTERESTS

Favorite Bands:I love all music.
Favorite Movies: I don't watch many. But Wall-E. The notebook. Dear John, Fifty first dates. (:
FavoriteTV Channel: >.< Idk. I don't watch much tv. I like Glee. Whatever channel Glee is on! (:
Smoke:high off of love
Drink: Drunk off of hate
Drive: yup. crappy Mazda 626
Job: I work a Micky D's, betches. 
Piercings/tattoos: ears. I want to get my wrist tattoos. but I'm too scared. >.< I
Hair Color: Brown. But I'll be synthetic ginger soon.
Eye Color: Blue..ish. Green...ish
Contacts/Glasses: Yup. 
Pets: Yes ma'am
If yes, how many and what are their names? One lumpy puppy, Samuel. 
Description of your style: I love expressing my individuality. There really is no specific name for my style.

More Favorites:
Food: I love pasta. Pizza, and deserts. 
Snack: Fruit snacks! (:
Drink: Vanilla Coke or Nakked juice.
Animal: I love dogs. 
Holiday: Christmas, Halloween, or New Years
Season: late spring, early summer.
Sport: MARCHING BAND! (:
Place to shop: I love Rue 21, Gordmans, Khols, JC Penny. 
Clothing brand: uhm. I don't know. I like my Tripp Jeans. (:
Restaurant: Applebee's. Panera, Olive Garden
Fruit: I love fuji apples, Green grapes, cuties, and peaches. Strawberries, blueberries 
Magazine: Seventeen, Cosmopolitan
Vegetable: Asparagus, Tomato, Cucumber, Peas, Corn on the cob. 
Fast Food Restuarant: I really like Wendy's.
Genre: Country, Punk, Pop. Rock. Emo Core. Pretty much everything really. Oldies.
Pizza topping: Hamburger with green pepper.
Ice cream flavor: 'nilla!
City: I loved Chicago. 
Color: Purple
Number: uhm. Yours (;
Quotes: In the end, it will all be okay: If it's not okay, it's not the end.

Would you keep my secret? Yes ma'am
Would you laugh at my jokes? Hell yeah. (;
Would you go to concerts with me? We have very similar tastes in music, so definitely 
Would you go shopping with me? Yes! (: 
Would you not go to a party so you could stay with me if I was sick? I would ditch that party in a heartbeat, show up at your door in footie pajamas, and be by your side with some chicken soup, crackers, and Hawaiian Punch! 
What would you do to cheer me up? Bring you more chocolate, sing you silly songs, whatever it takes! (: 
What would you do to have fun? Be random, all that stuff (:
Can we take many many cute photos together? Already have, so let's take even more!! 

I know there is something more to us than our mistakes.

Show me how it ends, it's all right
Show me how defenseless you really are
Satisfied and empty inside
Well that's alright, let's give this another try

If you find your family don't you cry
In this land of make believe, dead and dry
You're so cold but you feel alive
Lay your hand on me one last time




The secret side of me, I never let you see
I keep it caged but I can't control it
So stay away from me, the beast is ugly
I feel the rage and I just can't hold it




We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves? 
Somewhere we live inside


And I remember everything,
Everything I loved,
I gave it away like it wasn't enough

Sometimes I feel so cold,

Like I'm waiting around all by myself

Loneliness gets so old

I'm in the lost and found sitting on a shelf

Can you feel the pains in life?

Wrapped around you like their chains,

Restricting all your dreams

Do you wonder if there is a way,

A way to set you free

Someday we will sail away,

Lifted up on wings like eagles

We will run and will not fade away.

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
for handing you a heart worth breaking

So is it you or is it me?

I know I said things that I didn't mean

But you should've known me by now

You should've known me

If you believed

When I said

I'd be better off without you

Then you never really knew me at all

If you believed

When I said

That I wouldn't be thinking about you

You thought you knew the truth but you're wrong

You're all that I need

Just tell me that you still believe

I can't undo the things that led us to this place

But I know there's something more to us than our mistakes

Yes, more lyrics. 

            More and 

                   more and 

                         more. 

They seem to be all that is making sense in my tangled web of thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

Exhaustion has taken over the walls and corridors of my brain. That's all I have been able to think about. 
School.
Family.
Work.
Relationships


School is almost over, but that just means more stress for me. I have to get all of my missing assignments in, I need to keep on top of everything. The tests I am taking not require hours of studying, hours I do not have. 


Family is so difficult. Hard to handle, hard to be around. Just plain terrible. I have no desire to be there. So I am spending so much time avoiding my step dad, avoiding sensitive topics with my mom. It's all just so.. exhausting. I have to tiptoe around my own house. 


Work.. I seriously. I cannot stand work right now. I have had many false accusations go around, and I have had to sit down and have talks with managers. It really makes me sick that people think I am so easy as to do something so... so WRONG. and so... unprofessional. It really makes me sick.


Relationships. My Kyle, my friends: Ivee, Darby, Victoria, Abbey. There are so many. I don't want to try for any of them. Part of me just wants to give up. Let go. Because I am so tired of trying and getting let down. But I love all of the people in my life. And I want to keep them all around. I want to see them all, every day. So I do things, without even knowing. I just. Blahhh


I need a nap, some serious Tylenol pm, and lots and lots of vanilla coke.  

I have found a new best friend

I wish I had known of you sooner.
You just made my life ten times better.
It's so easy now.

dear parents

you. seriously. need. to. stop. fighting.

This is so freaking ridiculous. I hate this. So much. I cannot stand living in this hell hole.

I hate my life. Someone hold me.

I've given up, on giving up slowly. I'm blending in so you won't even know me, apart from this whole world that shares my fate.

I'm sorry everyone.
I'm sorry I haven't written anything for your wanting minds.
I'm sorry that I'm crumbling into pieces before your waiting eyes.
I'm sorry that I still want him, and don't want you.
I'm sorry for being so out of it. My mind is so tired. Completely exhausted.
I'm sorry my mind can't wrap around what you are all asking of me.
I'm sorry I am trying so hard to be perfect.
I'm sorry that I'm failing at it so miserably.
I'm sorry for wanting to leave and start over somewhere new.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry. 

I know I am posting so many lyrics, but they all say what I know I want to say, but am too afraid. If I say it all out loud, it will all become real, I'll be forced to come to terms with it all.

Be my escape?

I want to make you close your eyes.

Here we go again. 

Baby, we're invincible.

Shut up and smile.

Every time you lie.

Rerun

The first.

Everything you're not.

I caught myself.

Two is better than one.

Ohio is for lovers.

Remembering Sunday.

Ohio (Come back to Texas)

Stronger.

That's what you get.

Piece it together.

Misery. 

Someone like you.

Leave out all the rest

World of chances

The mess I made.

Too much. 

Endlessly.

The beauty of letting go.

Don't be afraid. 

Here we are.

Stay.


On your own.


Drowning desperately in red


Catch me on your way back down.




Let that be enough. - Switchfoot

I wish I had what I need 
To be on my own 
'Cause I feel so defeated 
And I'm feeling alone 

And it all seems so helpless 
And I have no plans 
I'm a plane in the sunset 
With nowhere to land 

And all I see 
It could never make me happy And all my sand castles 
Spend their time collapsing 

Let me know that You hear me 
Let me know Your touch 
Let me know that You love me 
Let that be enough 

It's my birthday tomorrow 
No one here could now 
I was born this Thursday 
22 years ago 

And I feel stuck 
Watching history repeating 
Yeah, who am I? 
Just a kid who knows he's needy 

Let me know that You hear me 
Let me know Your touch 
Let me know that You love me 
And let that be enough 

Today I am wanting someone.

I want someone.
someone to hold me all night,
someone's clothes to wear,
someone's love to giggle about.

But I know I cannot handle a relationship. I just cannot.
They are one of my biggest fears now. I know that is completely and totally irrational and stupid. But when I was hanging out with Jay, all I could think about was how he was different from Kyle, and in some cases that was simply the best thing ever. However, in others: it was horrible.

I see so many beautiful couples, and my heart sinks a little bit. They hold each other up when the other is weak, they whisper sweet words into each other's ear when they're sad. Girl's boyfriends bring them lunch, or flowers.   Boyfriends that care. A faithful girl runs into the waiting arms of her lover. I want to look at someone and see that he is already looking back: I want all of that. But my head and my heart are on two opposing teams right now.

My head tells me that someday someone will come along, whether it's this summer, next year, or when I am thirty, I know someone will come along and change the way I view relationships. He will be everything that I have hoped for and dreamed for.

But my heart, on the other hand, is as guarded as possible. My heart knows pain is an inevitable feat that I will someday have to deal with, again, but it doesn't want to. The way I see it, it's just not worth it. I'm so freaking scared.
scared.
scared.
scared.
SCARED.


I miss being younger. Life is getting thrown out in front of me, and don't get me wrong, I am excited as hell, but I yearn for when heartbreak was loosing my stuffed puppy, when the only reason I cried was when I didn't get to go where I wanted. I miss the innocence that I had when all of my brother's friends would make a joke that flew right over my head. Times when homework was a "mad minute" worksheet and spelling words.
Now homework is geometry, history, biology and literature, consisting of formulas, wars, punnet squares and reading the most uninteresting pieces of old American Literature. I know what heartbreak is now: it's your mother sleeping in her daughter's bed because she can't stand her husband. It's losing the love of your life. Those dirty jokes that are crude and nasty don't even phase me. I have a job, I have a car. A phone bill to pay. Insurance to pay for. Gas to pay for. College to save up for. It's all just so.. suffocating.

Life was so much simpler.

It never has taken much to make me whole entire day.
It's just finding someone who is willing to do all the small things, in big ways.

I stole this from Kendra! (:

A - Available? Yeah O_o
B - Best Friend(s)? There are so many. Abbey, Noah, Kendra, Darby, Rylee, Matthew. There are more. I am just super tired and know I am forgetting some. Im sorry ):
C - CRUSH? Uhm. Pass (;
D - DOGS NAME? Sammmmm
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO? Abbey, Kendra, Noah, Matthew.
F - Favorite Food? Goulash, pasta, bacon cheese burgers, chicken mcnuggets
G - GUMMY BEARS OR WORMS? worms!
H - HOMETOWN? Omaha
I - IF YOU COULD MOVE WOULD YOU? Yes
J - JOB? McSlave at McDonald's
K - KIDS. I want some someday, but the future may not hold that for me.
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE? 12+ hours
M - MILK FLAVOR? >.< white
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS. two biological, three step.
O - ONE WISH? love. I wish everyone would love unconditionally. everyone love everyone!
P - PHOBIA(S)? The dark, needles, crowds. and at the moment, I am scared of relationships.. big time. FEET
Q - FAVORITE QUOTE? "In the end, everything will be all right: If it's not all right, it's not the end."
R - REASON TO SMILE? My niece, the Marrero family <3
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD? Drink on it - Blake Shelton.
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP. 7am. Probably earlier
U - UNKNOWN FACT ABOUT ME? I don't want to say.
V - VEGETABLES YOU LOVE? Mixed ones! (: peas, and corn on the cob! Tomatoes, Asparagus, Cucumber.
W - WORST HABIT? nibbling on my nails >.<
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD? none.
Y - YOUR MOM? is an amazing woman. Susan
Z - ZODIAC SIGN? Scorpio. 

I officially am obsessed with A Fine Frenzy.

This is the song Near to You, by A Fine Frenzy, my newest, and most amazing obsession <3

He and I had something beautiful
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
I loved him so but I let him go
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back

Such pain as this
Shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss,
Still a little bit delirious

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

You and I have something different
And I'm enjoying it cautiously
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard
To get back to who I used to be

He's disappearing 
Fading suddelly
I'm so close to being yours
Won't you stay with me
Please

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

I only know that I am 
Better where you are
I only know that I am
Better where you are
I only know that I belong
Where you are

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
Though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

Yet, I'm better near to you.

random lyrics I heard today.

The world is down on me,
And I can't find a reason to be loved,
I never wanna leave you,
But I can't make you bleed if I'm alone.


Dad, I'm big, but we're smaller than small
In the scheme of things, well we're nothing at all.


Why are you striving, these days?
Why are tryin, to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face,
just don't turn away.



There's another world inside of me that you may never see
The secrets of this life that I can't hide
Somewhere in this darkness there is a light I just can't find.
Maybe it's too far away, maybe I'm just blind
Maybe I'm just blind

So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong.
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be.



If I had a heart.
Please don't forget me.

almost lover, by A Fine Frenzy

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind, images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes, clever trick

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me in the shade
And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you would never ever forget these images, no

Well, I?d never want to see you unhappy
I thought you?d want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot try the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind

So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy to walk
Right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Why can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

Today

I miss you, so much it hurts.


I'm okay.


I am okay.

The events of yesterday, today, and .... tomorrow?

Yesterday I was in love with you.

Today I'm dying for you.

Tomorrow, I'd have died for you

But again, I'm faced with the question. Who are you?

Yesterday I believed you...

Today I see your lies weren't true, not a single drop of truth.

Tomorrow, we are through.

But again, I'm faced with the question. Why does it matter?

Yesterday I was a child.

Today I am a woman.

Tomorrow I am gone.

today is a perfect day for the perfect day

<3

Honestly, I feel fine.

I feel fine.
About everything. I just am sick.
And that sucks the fun out of everything. I have no desire to even write my blog. That's one of my favorite things in the world, too.

Maybe it's the lack of sleep. I don'r know.
I have nothing to write.

Today is Thursday.
I have nothing to say.
I am tired, and living off of 6 accumulative hours of sleep. over the last 4 days.
Hoping for a better week soon.

:D

well.
Kyle seems to have moved on, and I'm glad someone can fix him, make him happy, and tolerate him like I did. I really hope that someone will love you as much as I did.

As for me, You Only Live Once; YOLO<3
I have gotten down right tired of moping. I wasted the crap out of my summer last year being sad and strung out over you. I really feel this time I can allow myself the time I need to move on. I have about 5 weeks left of school. That's all I am allowing myself to mope. You and her will both be out of this school in 3 weeks. God I cannot wait for that day. Bye bye. Out of sight out of mind, right. YES! (:

Summer, my dear sweet friend, hurry up. I want to go camping. Really soon! <3
I recall Zachery talking about his family going out to Memphis this summer. Hmm. I don't know.

Maybe my girls and I can go out. <3

This is all I have time for right now. I am hyper as piss. >.< thank god for liquid courage.!!!! <3

(I'm talking about Monsters by the way.)

dream

Last night, I dreamed a dream within a dream.
I have been having the most erratic sleeping patterns lately, and sleep (or lack of) seems to be playing tricks on me.


It was so beautiful.
The night was filled with wondrous stars, and your eyes with love.
Who are you?
I saw the most beautiful body. A body made for mine. My head fit perfectly into the crook of his chest, right above his heart. The skin of this unidentified man, rough against my fingertips.
His eyes, I felt them in my soul, deep in the hollows of my heart. He was strong; strong willed, strong minded, and strong bodied.
The way his body wrapped me entirely when he took me into his arms, it made me feel safe, even though it was just a dream. He laid with me, covering my entire body, shielding me from the entire world. At that very moment, I felt the security I longed for. At that very moment, in that moonlit room, I was alright.

I saw this man as he walked into the room, his face covered by a dark shadow, his body glowing. Glowing with a longing for me. The way he moved, it made me so confident that he was mine. If not only for that moment, but forever.

I know I'm not exactly perfect.

I know that in this messed up crazy world, you are either loved, or hated. There really is no distinguishable "happy medium"

The pressure to be a submissive girl: giving your guy everything they want, physically, emotionally in every way, including giving yourself, is offset by the desire to be a pure and innocent child. To behave as a young woman should, with grace and kindness, security and strength. But what if there is no happy medium between these two either?

Somehow, I know the before mentioned scenarios  are linked.

Us, as humans, are a greedy kind. We can never be content with what we have. There is always something more that we are wanting, needing, lusting after, or wishing for. I feel this is part of the reason so many people are unhappy. I was unhappy for this very reason. Rather than finding ways to deal with tricky situations at hand, I looked at the world and claimed I hated every last bit of it. I looked for a way out. And I found it, but then I was faced with more tricky situations. Learning from them was even more difficult then the original problem. First was heartbroken over my ex love of nearly three and a half years, then I had (still kind of have..) a ridiculous addiction to cutting, and still to this day I have struggled with how to cope with simple every-day life situations: like crowds, or loud people.

..
.
..

I know people hate me, and the way I see it, they hate me because they believed someone's false tails. They didn't want to get to know me, so they got acquainted with the me everybody made me.


I know I didn't finish this. I have been trying. I'll edit it once I finally get the idea of what I want to say.

re-edited. I messed up! :D

Mother-The tension between us has gone down a lot, I feel like you finally saw part of my life you refused to see for so long. The numerous times I screamed for you to hear my cries. Now you see that I wasn't waving; I was drowning... You see, I haven't been angry with you for the way you are, I have been upset with you for your decisions. You are married to this man, I'm not. I'm forced to be around him. I don't have the decision to be around him or not, he is your husband. The love of your life. (supposedly)
Even when I have the chance to be away from him, I stay. I stay for you. I love you so much, and I would die if anything happened to you. There's not much I can do to protect you from yourself anymore, but please see, you don't need to be strong for me anymore. My sight is no longer set on needing you as my mommy all the time, now I know you are a woman too. You have days where you hurt, you have days where the past is raw, rubbing a chafing your heart.
Some days I wonder if you think of me like you think of my father. Do you think my anxiety and depression is all just some game, some sick excuse to get what I want? How about the time you sat in Richard's office, my weak and broken body spilled across your lap, tears and sobs suffocating me: all you could do was say you didn't know what to do next. No one would know how to handle that situation, but rather than admit that to me, you ignore it?
How about the night you brought me back from that long hospital stay, you stayed home for a week with me. You didn't go to work.. You never stay home from work sick, but that whole week you refused to let me go. You drove me everywhere I needed to go. The endless trips to the store for whatever it is I would want. The time you spent with me.. ever think about how that looked to me. I know I didn't talk much to you that whole week, but now I have looked back and I want to tell you. Thank you, but please, don't be too strong for too long. I love you, so much.

AML- My dear sweet AML. Your heart of pure gold has given me an eye for the world. I see the world in your eyes.
You have the worlds strongest heart, and I cannot tell you just how much you have done for me these past few months of our friendship.
The way we can sit and talk, walk around taking pictures, and sing to the radio in the car: It's simply perfect. You have accepted me, my flaws and my failures, and that is one of the greatest things in life. I wish I could elaborate more on what is in my heart, I just have so much. It's all rising and falling in my mind.
The way your entire family loves me, and welcomes me, I've never really felt that.
Thank you so much, for having the sweetest heart, and thank you for everything.

ZLS- You were my first love since Kyle  That summer you taught me so much. I didn't need him. But I still wanted him. And I'm so sorry for that. I'm sorry I couldn't support your wishes you had for the military. I'm so terribly, truthfully, sorry.
The way you held me, and let me know that the world was so stupid. It all made me fall. So hard, so fast. You got into my mind, my heart, and took deep root in the crook of soul that was hollowed out from the part of me that was ripped away. I cannot wait for you to come home. 42 days, Zachery.
There is one last thing to say about you. I have talked to you a lot lately, but why is it I feel you are using me for selfish purposes. We spoke briefly, and I had cracked the joke that I wouldn't be the only girl you were coming home to. Your reply was simply to laugh at me and tell me that you didn't know what would happen between your air force training and your college life. Scared.

JSD- You are one of my best guy friends, ever. I have come to you when I needed advice, when I needed to cry and when I wanted someone there. And I have been the same for you. Thank you. So much. I really feel like we may be on the way to something good. I have a soft spot in my heart for your goofy words, and your silly attitude. You really are a sweetheart, and I am so thankful that our paths crossed when they did. I love you, and I can't wait to see where life takes us! <3

KSF- my pretty girl, I love you with all I have. We have so much in common. The stupid people who have ruined us, but shaped us to be the wonderful people we are today. We have had our ups and downs, but we are too good of friends to let anything ruin what strong, amazing love for life we have. I am so lucky to have you in my life. Please never go anywhere.

NGH- The very best guy friend I have ever had, the most true guy friend on the face of the earth. I love you much, with every part of my heart. We have been through so much, all the twisting paths, the stumbling messes, and the stupid mistakes. I cannot believe how much we have seen. The road before is great. I just don't know what path to take. You want to know something? I know you feel like you have taken a back seat to any other guy in my life, but you haven't. I have always had a spot for you. The spot that is true and pure. A place where only you can be. I know that sounds so complex, so.. difficult, but it really isn't. Simple. You. Are. Amazing. The only person I have let know everything about everything. Thank you so much for always having your heart open to listen to me.

DLY- My silly girl. I love getting drunk off orange juice, and getting high off Ben's sheets. Our tissue fights, back when life was as simple as that. Times are changing, but I really hope we aren't. I haven't ever has as much fun with someone as I have with you. You were by my side, talking me through each break up, each stupid fight, and every slap in the face. And I have been there too, but I feel like there is so much more I can do for our friendship. I know you get tired of life sometimes, but that's what we are here for. I have your back, and your front. I love you<3
I am so glad you came back from Texas. I really am. (:

IKB- Oh dearest, sweetest, most beautiful IK<3 You are truly amazing. In every way, shape and form. The sincere honesty you possess is one of the greatest gifts ever, your outlook on life may not seem like it's the best for you, but to me, it is like a window to the world. I see all the things that are bound to happen, and feel the courage to face them.
You have believed in me a lot lately, I have no way to express just how much I love you for that. I won't ever forget
Stand in the rain, 
stand your ground, 
stand up when it's all crashing down. 
Stand through the pain. you won't drown.
and one day what's lost can be found.
you stand in the rain.
The stupid people that have hurt us have caused us to grow even closer, and I really am thankful. When you go away to college, please don't forget about me. I promise if you want me to I will come stay with you and visit you! <3 <3 <3

VLL- LOVE. My Love. The fire in your heart has set mine ablaze. I can't put it any other way. I am honestly awestruck at the beauty, not only of your heart and soul, but also in you. Period. You have such a wondrous personality, my gosh it blows me away. Only you could let something terrible happen to you, and make it change your life positively. Only you, Love.
Please stay in touch when you leave off for college too. I am so glad to have such a positive person in my life. I love you so much. <3

RRM- Ahhh, youuu. You are so awesome. Ahaha. I can say so freakin' much girlie. You are so fun. By far the most fun person I have ever known. You are a child at heart, and that's something I am so glad for. Your heart is so special, please don't ever let anyone tell you any different. Don't you dare change for anyone, because I promise one day someone will appreciate everything you will ever have to give. I love you, please don't you ever forget that. <3 (:

my facade has fallen. but only momentarily

I'm having a momentary lapse of reason. A chink in my shield if you will.

I miss him. Not him. The thought of him. The hands being held in the hall way. The arms that are always open. Kyle is going to get his tattoo tonight, and I was to go with him. But now we aren't together, and I'm pretty positive Emily will be taking my place. 

I have nothing left to say. Just a tiny system error in my brain. Just need a couple minutes at home to collect myself and snap myself back to reality. 

This is the first time since I started working at McDonald's that I have not felt excited to go to work. >.<

Ivee, Victoria

Dearest pretties,
I needed you both today, and you came without my asking. I just opened my eyes and you both were there.
My sincerest gratitude to the both of you. I love you two so much. You are so true.

I wish I could tell you that I was alright, but at the rate I'm going, I'm going nowhere. I cannot stand to lose any more than what I have already lost.
I love you both. <3

strong.

sometimes you have to be shattered entirely to find out just how strong you really are.
I haven't broken down, I have been so unbelievably strong. It's so amazing. <3

The way someone rips away from you, tearing your soul to pieces... you'd think I'd be still here, talking about how much I miss him, how much I need him and how I will do anything for him to stay.. but I'm not. This time is just.. Different. I not only saw it coming, but I felt it. It's like the elephant in the room, you know it's there but you try so desperately to avoid it. And once it's pointed out, it has lost it' awkward-ness. The care was only there because you were trying to avoid it, so once it's out in the open, you see no problem.

I personally, think us a women don't believe in ourselves enough,

Seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty, 
is the face in the mirror, looking back at you
You walk around thinking you're not pretty, 
but that not true, cause I know you.


We never are looked at as strong, independent women,
if we stick up for ourselves, if we keep our crap together, we are automatically bitches,
or stuck up.
I'm telling you, that's not true.

This time, it's only been about 4 days, 2 officially,
it's been such a learning experience,
I know so much more about myself, and I am so thrilled to see what else I didn't know.

Strength is found deep in me, I have so much faith in myself. I haven't broken down. I haven't done things out of spite, I haven't slipped up and bashed you, calling you all the things I should never say. That also creates peace inside me. Not letting your name cross my lips, because if I sit here and talk smack, it will come back to you, and it will create an angry person in me.
Soul Searching, and all this has made me such a better person <3 :D

good-byes are new beginnings.

I hate to admit, but things still didn't work out. 
We tried, and it never seemed to play out right.

Time does that to people.
I guess it was inevitable.
Bound to happen.
What's meant to be will always find a way.

I honestly can't just come back. This time I cried far too many tears.
I saw it coming, I really did, but it still killed me.
Now as I dangle here by a thread, I tell you, I feel numb.
Like I should have known this would happen.
You know how when you get a deep cut, it eventually scabs over, and only hurts when your skin is tugging, or when you pick at it? Well our scab kept getting picked, and eventually it turned to a scar, and we all know, if you have had a terrible scar, you cant really feel it once it has healed: that's how you know it's finally "all better". The nerves are all fucked up and you just don't feel anything.
That's pretty much exactly how I feel right now

Then part of me rejoices for what I had with him.
All the smiles and good times,
but then I sit here and muse over whether they were real.

Then scars prove it was real.

But now I'm gone. Long gone.
Time to pack up and move on, again.
This time, maybe I'll be strong enough to turn away.

Lyrics explain what I can't.
different songs, make me feel different ways. >.<

Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I get so tired of living like this
I don't have the time, neither do my friends
To stay up at night to pull me through
And to find the things to keep my mind off of you

So, now tell me, what do you want? What do you want?
What do you want from me?