a walk in my shoes.

I have been going through a hailstorm of life lately. Caught in the undertow of the trials and tribulations of teenage life. The struggle on how fast to mature. The difficulty in trying to understand that you must first lose yourself completely in order to find who you really are, only to discover that the two are polar opposites, is a really suffocating and bone chilling thought.
Lately, I've been someone I don't know. Take a shot to the chest and fall endlessly, soaring higher and higher, getting deeper and deeper: landing myself on a whole new uncharted level. Losing my mind and losing my sense of left and right. Only looking forward to my next chance to fall. I'd trip and cascade into a world that was so much more meaningful. But in finding that world, I lost my real world. My solitude.

A few events had caused me to dive so willingly into a secure escape: The pressure from my parents to conform, piles of stress from work and school. I fell victim to all of the things surrounding me and let them swallow me whole. See, that's the lesson here. Or so I think... Don't let life gobble you up.. it will consume you, rip you to shreds then spit you out then walk all over you. Continue to hurt and it will kick you as you lie there, bashing your bones in until you hurt so bad you can't move.

Now here I am. Sober mind, solid chest and hurting heart. What to think? What to do.

Inner turmoil.

My walls are breaking. I am trying to hard to stand tall as the world crumbles around me, but I'm going down. And it'll all be over with one swift and simple. crash.