I am going to be a giddy, grammatically incorrect teenager in this post. Please understand :D
Sumerrr is coming! :D
I couldNAWT
be more excited!
I have a freakin' job. fist pumps for cash flow!
My boyfriend is super awesome, and I cannot wait to have time alone at his house this summer. Time to just be us, laugh, watch a movie and snuggle. I am ecstatic! <3
Wavy hair, long days and romantic nights, I just couldn't be more excited.
I have a feeling this summer my mom will be more chill about letting me do things, we have become so much closer, it's just amazing. :D
Driving around with the windows down, short shorts, tank tops, flip flops and shades. gah. I'm pumped! :D
only like... 7 or 8 more weeks. Hurrrrrrry uppppp summer please.! :D
About Me
- Kris Marie
- I am Kristen Marie. But I prefer to be called Kris. I have lots of friends, a few close ones. I love children and animals. I have the very deep love for vanilla coke, chocolate, and star burst jellybeans. I have a crazy brother, and goofy father. I am individual, free, and me. Welcome (:
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Be available for life :)
I read this on things we forget and I really felt this was something I needed to listen to. I have a goal this week, take each day, day by day. If I have a rough day, sleep and get over it. Don't let it carry over into the next. Each dawn is a new beginning.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Ali Bear, and McDonald's.
That's what my weekend has been made up of.
This Friday I had an interview at McDonald's with Rylee, and I brought Alicia with us. Rylee and I both got the job (Ali Bear already worked there) So we have orientation tomorrow! :)
I think this can be really awesome. There are some super awesome people who work up there... but also some super douches. Gah!! We shall see :)
I think I am going to go for a bike ride soon. I'm just exhausted. I haven't gotten much sleep lately. I was up all night last night, then I got numerous bloody noses. Two today (one while driving... SCARY!) one in the shower, and three yesterday. I have no idea why they have been happening so much, my mom thinks it's stress. Who knows!
I honestly cannot wait for tomorrow! :) I cannot wait to start on this new adventure of my life :)
I think this can be really awesome. There are some super awesome people who work up there... but also some super douches. Gah!! We shall see :)
I think I am going to go for a bike ride soon. I'm just exhausted. I haven't gotten much sleep lately. I was up all night last night, then I got numerous bloody noses. Two today (one while driving... SCARY!) one in the shower, and three yesterday. I have no idea why they have been happening so much, my mom thinks it's stress. Who knows!
I honestly cannot wait for tomorrow! :) I cannot wait to start on this new adventure of my life :)
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
from a blog I love "Cameras and Converse." all credit to Sam
I feel like I have taken a few steps back. My depression appears to be my puppet master, handling my life the way it feels like handling it- propping me up most days and collapsing me in others. Twisting and turning my emotions with a mental tourniquet. Photography is magic. In this world I can be whoever I choose, any and all versions of myself or someone else. Pick a pose, pick a mood, pick a picture. Completely controllable. I can be whoever you want me to be. I am a model and I can do just that- model behavior. Model what society wants, model emotions, provide a canvas for anything you envision. It's a talent- a trick of sorts. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but my true thoughts are for the lucky ones
-SamanthaElizabeth
Monday, March 19, 2012
Naked.
I'm standing in front of the world, on a stage naked. My body fully clothed, but my heart and emotions naked. My scars hanging like spaghetti, dangling out there for all to see. I hand you all the knife and ask you to politely stab my back with it. I'm waiting for you. Pierce my skin and send the all familiar sting of betrayal through my body, radiating in my heart, and back through my body even faster and stronger.
The tainted blood reaches my brain and I'm suddenly very dizzy. My nail beds start dripping blood and then I'm on the ground. The blood rushing in my ears, and suddenly out of my nose. I begin choking as it floods my throat. I'm gasping for air, struggling.
The tainted blood reaches my brain and I'm suddenly very dizzy. My nail beds start dripping blood and then I'm on the ground. The blood rushing in my ears, and suddenly out of my nose. I begin choking as it floods my throat. I'm gasping for air, struggling.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
do you know where you heart is, do you think you can find it? Or did you trade it for somethin, somewhere better just to have it? Do you know where your love is, do you think that you lost it? You felt it so strong, but nothing's turned out how you wanted
In a fit of insecurity, restlessness, and anxiety there is nothing to but let the words flow. Release the ebb and flow from my heart. I cannot seem to keep anything in lately. I have resorted to the terrible, immature, selfish, rude person I was before the accident.
So in a desperate attempt to reunite my body with the calm, collected mindset I tried sooo hard to achieve. I will spill it all.
Well bless my soul, you're a lonely soul.
Cause you won't let go, of anything you hold.
Sitting in my basement, alone, with my phone at my side, praying I can just ignore it. So that someone, anyone would text me, want me.need me. But I was failed.
So I couldn't help but think. Turn things over in my mind.
What do you need, Kristen Marie, for things to be what you want them to be? What needs to happen for it all to just fall into place?
Well, all I need, is the air I breathe,
and a place to rest my head.
I need to have a family that wants me. A family that loves me.
A father is someone I little girl can look up to, someone who is tender when needed, and a firm only when necessary. A little girl should seek, and find comfort in a fathers arms.
I want to feel wanted. By my family. By my boyfriend. By anyone.
That's such a diserable feeling, and I want to feel it.
I want to feel like someone is going out of their way, because I am going out of my way for many people, only to be faced with a cold wall.
Do you know what your fate is? And are you trying to shake it?
You're doing your best and your best luck, you're praying that you make it.
Well bless my soul, you're a lonely soul,
cause you won't let go, of anything you hold.
Kyle and I have been great. When he was sick, I felt like he needed me. He felt so miserable, so terribly ill, and he wanted nothing more than to feel better. To be comforted. He kept telling me how thankful he was that I was so understanding about him complaining, and about him not answering. The numerous times he had reminded me that he loved me, it was all so sweet. But what he doesn't see is that there is nothing to thank me for, I WANT to do these things for him when he is sick, when he is well, and when he is away. I want all of him, for all of forever. I love him, so much. I just have no more words on this subject.
Actually, scratch that. I have something else to say.
I have learned that guys, too, get the feeling that they want to be held. Guys get insecure and they get jealous, they are just too damn good at hiding it. You know what I have to say to that? STOP HIDING. I am in love with you, and only you, my darling. There isn't a thing about you I am not willing to love. I love every part of you, your mind, body, and soul.
Well, all I need is the air I breathe,
and a place to rest my head.
I said all I need is the air I breathe,
and a place to rest my head.
If I could erase my past, sometimes I think I would.
Forget the name that hangs from my lips, forget the sting in my throat I get whenever I see a tall man with hair thats so blonde it's white. I would erase all the pain that I let myself endure. They don't know everything. They don't know just how far you let things get before I snapped and refused to let myself be your toy. You tried to pin it all on me, but you sick fuck, no one belived you. Your parents couldn't buy their way out of this one, so you made it all a little game. Certain words and certain people still, to this day, make me sick. You may have ripped through my skin, but I refuse to let you rip through my heart. I have Kyle now, and he knows all about you. And to be entirely honest with you, he wants your head on a mother f*cking STICK. I don't think I will ever forget the night I told him. I sat shaking in my closet, hiding from you, but you weren't even there, I cried to him about it all, told him every detail. Told him all about the way you held me down, he knows about the way I'd cover bruises on my face, the outlines of your fingers.
Do you think you can find it, better than you had it?
I said, all I need,
is the air I breathe, and place to rest my head.
But then I remeber the good things.. and feel terrible for ever wanting to change my past.
My dad's brother, Mark, was my best friend. I called him my uncle Moose. He would always find a way to make me smile. Even when he wasn't happy himself. I look at myself today and ask, "are you making your uncle Moose proud? Is he looking down on his little pumpkin and smiling?"
There also was my niece, Alexis. She was a beautiful little girl. She has her daddy's eyes, and her grandma's curls. But sadly, she has her mothers home. Far far away. Wherever she is, I hope she is asking about us all. Asking why her first word was mullet. I pray her mother is telling her it was her dad, and her auntie kiss uncle daydid, and papa that tought her that.
Do you know where the end is?
Do you think you can see it?
Well, until you get there, fo on, go ahead and scream it
just say it.
So in a desperate attempt to reunite my body with the calm, collected mindset I tried sooo hard to achieve. I will spill it all.
Well bless my soul, you're a lonely soul.
Cause you won't let go, of anything you hold.
Sitting in my basement, alone, with my phone at my side, praying I can just ignore it. So that someone, anyone would text me, want me.
So I couldn't help but think. Turn things over in my mind.
What do you need, Kristen Marie, for things to be what you want them to be? What needs to happen for it all to just fall into place?
Well, all I need, is the air I breathe,
and a place to rest my head.
I need to have a family that wants me. A family that loves me.
A father is someone I little girl can look up to, someone who is tender when needed, and a firm only when necessary. A little girl should seek, and find comfort in a fathers arms.
I want to feel wanted. By my family. By my boyfriend. By anyone.
That's such a diserable feeling, and I want to feel it.
I want to feel like someone is going out of their way, because I am going out of my way for many people, only to be faced with a cold wall.
Do you know what your fate is? And are you trying to shake it?
You're doing your best and your best luck, you're praying that you make it.
Well bless my soul, you're a lonely soul,
cause you won't let go, of anything you hold.
Kyle and I have been great. When he was sick, I felt like he needed me. He felt so miserable, so terribly ill, and he wanted nothing more than to feel better. To be comforted. He kept telling me how thankful he was that I was so understanding about him complaining, and about him not answering. The numerous times he had reminded me that he loved me, it was all so sweet. But what he doesn't see is that there is nothing to thank me for, I WANT to do these things for him when he is sick, when he is well, and when he is away. I want all of him, for all of forever. I love him, so much. I just have no more words on this subject.
Actually, scratch that. I have something else to say.
I have learned that guys, too, get the feeling that they want to be held. Guys get insecure and they get jealous, they are just too damn good at hiding it. You know what I have to say to that? STOP HIDING. I am in love with you, and only you, my darling. There isn't a thing about you I am not willing to love. I love every part of you, your mind, body, and soul.
Well, all I need is the air I breathe,
and a place to rest my head.
I said all I need is the air I breathe,
and a place to rest my head.
If I could erase my past, sometimes I think I would.
Forget the name that hangs from my lips, forget the sting in my throat I get whenever I see a tall man with hair thats so blonde it's white. I would erase all the pain that I let myself endure. They don't know everything. They don't know just how far you let things get before I snapped and refused to let myself be your toy. You tried to pin it all on me, but you sick fuck, no one belived you. Your parents couldn't buy their way out of this one, so you made it all a little game. Certain words and certain people still, to this day, make me sick. You may have ripped through my skin, but I refuse to let you rip through my heart. I have Kyle now, and he knows all about you. And to be entirely honest with you, he wants your head on a mother f*cking STICK. I don't think I will ever forget the night I told him. I sat shaking in my closet, hiding from you, but you weren't even there, I cried to him about it all, told him every detail. Told him all about the way you held me down, he knows about the way I'd cover bruises on my face, the outlines of your fingers.
Do you think you can find it, better than you had it?
I said, all I need,
is the air I breathe, and place to rest my head.
But then I remeber the good things.. and feel terrible for ever wanting to change my past.
My dad's brother, Mark, was my best friend. I called him my uncle Moose. He would always find a way to make me smile. Even when he wasn't happy himself. I look at myself today and ask, "are you making your uncle Moose proud? Is he looking down on his little pumpkin and smiling?"
There also was my niece, Alexis. She was a beautiful little girl. She has her daddy's eyes, and her grandma's curls. But sadly, she has her mothers home. Far far away. Wherever she is, I hope she is asking about us all. Asking why her first word was mullet. I pray her mother is telling her it was her dad, and her auntie kiss uncle daydid, and papa that tought her that.
Do you know where the end is?
Do you think you can see it?
Well, until you get there, fo on, go ahead and scream it
just say it.
it just so happens to be one of those days.
I feel sick.
I'm tired and I feel like complete crap.
On top of that, I can't go home because my step dad decided on a whim that once my mom quit her job, that they could tear the whole back half of my house apart, and today they started on the ceilings. Sounds simply delightful. Not to mention they decided to stop turning the heater on upstairs since my little brothers aren't there much. But I am freezing. That's probably why Im sick. Freaking idiots.
I just want to sleep somewhere warm and somewhere I can relax.
Since when is a house suddenly a home.
A home full of strangers and glares.
Exactly
I'm tired and I feel like complete crap.
On top of that, I can't go home because my step dad decided on a whim that once my mom quit her job, that they could tear the whole back half of my house apart, and today they started on the ceilings. Sounds simply delightful. Not to mention they decided to stop turning the heater on upstairs since my little brothers aren't there much. But I am freezing. That's probably why Im sick. Freaking idiots.
I just want to sleep somewhere warm and somewhere I can relax.
Since when is a house suddenly a home.
A home full of strangers and glares.
Exactly
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
fuck you anxiety and depression.
fuck you for making me a huge mess. fuck you for making sick
I hate you. you have made my boyfriend hate our relationship. you have made my life hell.
You have made me an immature dependent mess. You made me sick
I hate you. everything about you.
I hate you. you have made my boyfriend hate our relationship. you have made my life hell.
You have made me an immature dependent mess. You made me sick
I hate you. everything about you.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
I am so proud of myself :D
I got everything I needed in, and got all of my grades up! :D
and tonight, hopefully mom will let me go out with my lovely. I think I deserve it after this terrible week.
Down side.... I have a dentist appointment... I don't numb very easily... So I have to get a buttload of shots. Just so they can clean and scrape my teeth and dig at my wisdoms. >.<
oh well. His kisses on my poor cheeks will for sure help :)
I hope and pray my mom lets me go out tonight!!! :)
and tonight, hopefully mom will let me go out with my lovely. I think I deserve it after this terrible week.
Down side.... I have a dentist appointment... I don't numb very easily... So I have to get a buttload of shots. Just so they can clean and scrape my teeth and dig at my wisdoms. >.<
oh well. His kisses on my poor cheeks will for sure help :)
I hope and pray my mom lets me go out tonight!!! :)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)