this song applies to my life in so many aspects

for so many different reasons. this is my life.
i love snow patrol. <3

                                                       "This Isn't Everything You Are"

You can’t find the phone, so you can call it off
But it might be for the best
You can’t walk away, anyway
Because you’ve nowhere else to go

Is he worth all this, is it a simple yes?
Cause if you have to think, it’s f*cked
Feels like you loved him more, than he loved you
And you wish you’d never met

Don’t keel over now
Don’t keel over
Don’t keel over now
Don’t keel over

You’ve been up all night, and the night before
You’ve lost count of drinks and time
And your friends keep calling, worried sick
And there’s strangers everywhere

Don’t keel over now
Don’t keel over
Don’t keel over now
Don’t keel over

And in one little moment
It all implodes
But this isn’t everything you are

Breathe deeply in the silence
No sudden moves
This isn’t everything you are

Just take the hand that’s offered
And hold on tight
This isn’t everything you are

There’s joy not far from here, right
I know there is
This isn’t everything you are

When you took the call
How could you know
That he’d slipped away last night
And you wish you’d went home, days ago
To say goodbye or just hello

Don’t keel over now
Don’t keel over
Don’t keel over now
Don’t keel over

And in one little moment
It all implodes
But this isn’t everything you are

Breathe deeply in the silence
No sudden moves
This isn’t everything you are

Just take the hand that’s offered
And hold on tight
This isn’t everything you are

There’s joy not far from here, right
I know there is
This isn’t everything you are

This isn’t everything you are

This isn’t everything you are

no emotion means no fear.

but it also means no love.
or security .

no emotion means no desire to wake up,
to get up and move on with your life.

today.
i want to be okay.
today.
i want to stop the hate of my heart

i will be okay.

i will.

there's a smile. it starts in my eyes. radiates to my lips, and shines through my heart.
please don't ever fade, sweet smile.

mint m&m's and life.

I have no idea what to write about. I am too tired, too sick, and too fed up with everything to even formulate coherent sentences or even phrases. I hate writing complaining blogs. They suck to read, they're pointless, and I hate that people think that's all I write. So, instead I'll just ramble about things on my mind.




"Angels die, covered in white."

Why is my nose bleeding?

I should really go to bed earlier.

Wonder how work will go tonight. I really hope I don't say anything. I just. I don't want you to cut. I don't want to see you wince in pain every time you get them wet. Just please. Stop.

Homecoming should be fun. I got my dress!

I wonder how late I work tonight?

Jade. You sing so loud. Jesus.

I want to wear sparkle Toms of homecoming.

I love mint M&M's<3

I could really go for a vanilla coke right now. oooooh. and Chipolte Beef Jerky- from the Jerky Factory!

What's my momma doing? Is she thinking about me?

What about you. Are you thinking about me?

Probably not. I'm too tired. I'm going to go.

I wish I could make you disappear.

My step is trying to kill me. I can promise you I WILL lose it soon. I really want to move out. Is it two years away yet?

today I had a super productive day. people!

Let me just say, today was a great day, productively! The last two years I never handed anything in on time. I didn't care. I never once had an assignment in on time. And my goal for the week has been standing strong. I went to my earth measurements class and I had the assignment done, and when I got it back graded and the teacher read off names of people who he didn't get one from, I danced because I didn't hear my name. I didn't have to hear my name roll off his tongue dripping disappointment and anger.

goals for the year and pledges to myself.

So. I am going about this year entirely different than my past two. I will set goals, daily, weekly, monthly and yearly. Starting small with daily goals will show me that this is realistic. That I can do things: If I just set my mind to them. I will try to blog about my success (or failure) each week. And title it "Goals for the Week of ..." I invite you along on this journey with me. If this isn't what you want to read, don't hate me for saying this, but don't read it(:

I'm just going to jump in here and start with my goal for the next two years. Get. Into. UNL. What the entails is getting the required classes done and passed with flying colors. 

My goal for the year. Have at least a 3.0. Seeing as the past few years I didn't give a crap... I know what exactly NOT to do. Haha. Also. A word I am going to focus on this year. Prioritize!

Monthly Goal: Get EVERYTHING in. No zeros. At all. That's where I undoubtedly screwed myself over last year. I never turned a single thing in on time, let alone in at all. 

Weekly Goal: Get to class prepared and ready to learn. Not only physically prepared, but mentally. I like to let things at home and work carry over into school. Stress takes up my mind and I simply cannot focus on the task at hand. 

Daily Goal (for Wednesday): Cover all my books. And get all my papers signed. (I have to find them first... shoot. I'm already off to a bad start. But hey, it's never too late to start over. Each day in a new goal, and new shot at reaching higher goals!) 

Now for pledges to myself.

-I will forget past grudges. If I can change, so can anyone else. 

-I will learn to let people in.

-I will not let people get to me. 

-No more negativity. Hating is bad for your heart.

-I will not counter back when someone irritates me. That's petty. We aren't 6.

I'm sure there are many more. I'll add those to the Goals for Next Week post (:

goodnight all, rest well 

<3

so here we are

As my long day pours into a long night, I sit here and ponder my day. It was the first Monday of school, the first official week of my Junior year. And I started it sour. LATE. not many people know, but I have a set schedule.. the balance of things is set perfectly in my head (here's where you all find out how OCD I am) are you still with me? Alright. Picture this for me:
It's a lone Monday night: not a soul is texting me. Not even Anthony. There is slow, soft country music playing. I don't necessarily know if this is just my typical "Sunday Blues" carrying over to my Monday, but I can't help but feel like something is wrong. Maybe just maybe, I am not exactly what I should be this very moment.
My mind is always running, turning things over, analyzing my day, week, month, and even year.

I never got around to finishing this. So. I'll just post it and start on a fresh new post. A more... optimistic post I think..

love love love love love

I am going to make it a goal to write something, anything productive once a day. Between work, flag corps, and school, I feel this may be a little unrealistic, but I have high hopes! There is much more for me to write on, but I have found time a little lacking today. I really need to work on my time management.